a look back

Five years ago (to the month) I split up with my ex-boyfriend, he cheated on many occasions, was controlling, mentally abusive and convinced me that he had made me who I was. I had been so trapped in this relationship where he had almost been the only person in my life for 18 months that when I found a home movie of him with another girl a small part of me was relieved. It was also one of the most devastating events of my life.

Within I few months I was back at my parents house, back hanging out with friends that I hadn't seen for the best part of 2 years. I needed to get a job, get friends back, reconnect with my family and figure out who I was and where I had gone wrong to end up in the situation I had. I also didn't have a clue about my likes and dislikes. When I had been with my ex everything had been TV programs WE liked, music WE liked, films WE liked, restaurants WE liked etc. I had to figure out which of these things I actually liked. Which of these things were part of me and which weren't.

My ex had controlled so much of my life. I couldn't see friends or family without his consent, he would make phone calls on my behalf as he said I wasn't competent enough and when I looked for jobs he would pick ones that I could apply for and get the application forms. After that I felt the biggest achievement was getting a full time job for myself, that I had picked, applied for and got through the interview. It was such a buzz to feel that I could do something independently.

Back at my parents house I sunk back into the life that I hadn't led for three years. With old friends and old haunts. Eventually after getting a new job I realised that although I was in the same place I wasn't the same person and I moved on making new friends and a new life. The year after that was probably one of the happiest of my lives and the friends I made then are still my closest friends.

The experience with my ex was so horrible that I was for a while in danger of becoming an extremely bitter woman and was very aware that I did not want to go through that again. I had become a shell of a person after being in that relationship and it scared me to go back to feeling that way. After time I started to get more confidence and created my new life, I also started dating my husband, taking it very slowly for about a year until I had put back together the broken pieces of my heart and I was ready to be in a proper relationship.

Since then life has kind of took over. Me and my husband moved in together, got steady jobs that we didn't enjoy but that paid the bills, we planned our wedding and got married, bought a house and improved it. During that time we began living for our holidays, to be fair we do go away about five times a year but in between we just exist. We go to work, have occasional nights out and spend evenings watching TV.

I guess over the last three years life got in the way and I coasted through which got me down. I have forgotten over the years how amazing I can be and lost touch with that side of me. Now Ive realised that I am still that person that my friends were amazed by and proud of for getting my life together. The only difference is I am now older, wiser, more confident with a better idea of who I am and a larger, much better wardrobe!